Dear Ava Faith,

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was so happy. Secretly I wanted a little girl. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant----I was home alone (Daddy was at school) and I got a positive pregnancy test. I started crying. I remember sitting on the couch and thanking God for giving me this precious gift. I remember telling Him that I would do my best to raise this baby and to give me guidance.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not ask God to give me guidance and strength. It is hard being a parent. I enjoy this time so much, but I do know that I am difficult to deal with at times. I wanted to write you a note to tell you how sorry I am that I lose my patience with you often.

It is so hard having a child that is just like me. We tend to "argue" and "fuss" at one another (for the same stuff) and we both are strong willed and want to be right. You are so very smart that when I'm reasoning with you, I feel as if I'm talking to an adult. I tend to forget that in fact you are ONLY five years old. (You seem to forget that too sometimes....lol)

I know I have been losing my patience with you a lot lately and for that I am sorry. My mom never yelled at me growing up and I'm sorry that I do yell at you. You do not deserve to be yelled at.

I go to bed nightly asking God to forgive me for losing it daily. I promise I will be better sweetheart. I don't want you to grow up hating me. I don't want you to grow up wishing you had another mother.

You are my life. I want the best for you and sometimes I know I'm a little too hard on you. I am so very proud of you Ava. You have the best personality, the best laugh, and you are incredibly smart. Your strong willed, independent personality will take you so far in life. I can definitely see you as a leader of a huge company some day or a principle or a director of some sort.

I just wanted you to know that you mean so much to me. Please know that I am doing my best as a mother. It is hard raising kids. I am sorry that I come across as being "mean" sometimes. I will do better, I promise.

You are my life. I live to see you excel. I live to make you happy sweetheart.

I love you so much. Please don't ever doubt that one minute. You are my favorite little girl in the whole wide world. I love you more than ANYTHING!!!!!